Hi. Sorry if this note make you feel uneasy. I can't sleep in this hour and I'm just staring my bedroom' wall like nothing. I don't know why but suddenly my mind ringing your name and face. Maybe because ever since you left me, my heart won't stay calm. It seeks someone who can replace you perfectly.
You know what, actually I thought I already met that person. We were so close to make everything want smoothly. But, in the end he left. He said he love me but still choose to leave. I kinda feel dejavu. The words, the feelings. Everything was totally same like before. Why does this thing happened twice in my life.
Up until now, I never forget my tears on the night you choose to leave me. And I never thought the same tears came again for the second time.
I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I don't want you to feel bad at me with this note. I just want you to know how I've been doing since you left.
Anyway congratulations on your wedding. You really kept your promised to take care of her and fulfilled every words you said to her. I'm proud of you. At the same time, I feel envious. Well that's what I have to be for being a woman.
For now I think I'm the most idiot person in the world. Because I've bow to myself to never let go of the person I love after you. Yes he left. But I still chased him up until now. I keep trying to get his attention, I make sure to always make him happy. I sacrificed everything. Everything. Even my future. Because my heart never been the same anymore.
At some point I felt like I'm better off dead. I even tried a few times but I failed. My body now has lot of scar. But I don't regret for what happened to my body because I don't love myself anymore.
I wish, I really wish, that one day, all my pain and tears gonna swept away like a wind dancing in the air. I'm sorry I wrote you all of these.Because I don'y know where else should I confess to.
Thanks for reading, and please, no hearty feeling okay. Wish you all the best in your life.
August 25 2018, Saturday
2.52am
-ekyl
