What the Heart Knew

It’s been months since I had to accept that we were going to part ways again. The first time was already tough, but the second time… I kind of saw it coming. I had more time to prepare myself mentally. Still, knowing it was coming didn’t make it hurt any less.

Back then, I went through a lot emotionally. I was sad, angry, confused. It felt like everything just hit me all at once. But deep down, I think I already knew the truth. I knew he didn’t really care whether I stayed or left. To him, I was probably just another passerby, someone who was there for a moment, keeping him company, and then gone. Like a shadow that passes under moonlight without leaving a trace.

It took time but during that phase, I battled with myself a lot. There were so many feelings I had to fight through, jealousy, longing, the clingy side of me, even the sweet parts. I started to realise that keeping those feelings alive after he was gone would only hurt me more. So I decided to let them go. All of them.

The first time I tried to kill those feelings, I failed. I was still too soft. I kept hoping things would somehow change, that he might come back, or maybe that I mattered more than I really did. But when the second chance came, I didn’t waste it. I was ready. I didn’t even flinch. I let everything go.

The first version of me was like a fading moon, still holding on to a little bit of light. But the second version of me became a new moon, dark, quiet, but powerful in its own way. Some feelings take time to die, but they do. And this time, I didn’t let them stay.

He knew many sides of me. He saw the soft parts, the loud ones, the vulnerable and the brave. And all of that, everything he saw, it belonged to him. But that chapter is done now. That version of me doesn't exist anymore.

Now, something new has started to bloom inside me. It’s a version of myself I never knew could exist. A part that shines brighter from a different angle. And the best part is, someone else sees it now. Someone who accepts all of me, even the parts I thought were too much. He sees both the light and the shadows in me, and still chooses to stay. Just like how the moon is loved in all its phases, even when it disappears for a while.

I still hold on to the memories. I won’t lie and say they meant nothing. They did. But I don’t expect anything anymore. I remember, but I don’t wait. I let go, not because I hate, but because I’ve grown.

Because in the end, when something is truly meant for you, it will make you forget what you once lost.

And for the first time in a while, I’ve found peace. And I’ve finally chosen myself.