Fear

I almost forgot when is the last time I typed, "I'm okay" while crying. It's been awhile since I've shared all my problems to someone who understand me. I've been faking all my emotions, my jokes, my happiness and my true self to the world. I didn't even realized when did I decided to put myself in a place where nobody could found. The first thing I only knew when he knocked my heart, I've already been too far from everyone. That is the moment I started feel more irritating and live in fear.

I wish to be given the ability to erase people's memories. Especially the memories from the people who sacrifies their heart to protect me, from the people who were willing to give everything they had including their precious heart to a witch like me. Some of them, I did it on purpose and sometimes its happened by coincidence.

Once, I loved the wrong person, cried for the wrong reason. But one thing is for sure that I keep believe in, mistakes help me to find the right thing in the future. I kept telling myself, there is no such thing that I had to regret in my life when I lose one person I've loved. That is not the biggest fear that I have to endure. Because losing one person just make me losing someone in my life. The fear that I've been running from is my own weakness, and when I keep running away, I didn't realize that I've actually been losing myself little by little. That is what makes me feel that I'm going to lose everything.

The world said that I am a brave girl. I am full of courage. I am different from the other.  I am full of desire. I am destined to bring the change to the world. I am special for who I am. All of these compliments only makes me fall deeper into the pit of fear that I created between my dream and reality. I live in fear because of all the hopes. I'm scared enough if someone out there could notice my weakness spot. And I'm scared enough that I couldn't face the reality if the people in my future able to gain the truth of the dark past of mine. I'm scared if that are going to be happened, I will put myself into the nothingness where the life will go irrelevent.

The darkness within my heart is what's creating this dark cave. It's reflecting the dark feelings that are in my heart. I've got to throw those feelings away. Throw them out!

Someone... help me...